It's in Her Nature

Weather is a nutty thing. It can change on a dime when you lease expect it. I remember as a child looking outside in my front yard to see it raining, then going to the backyard window only to see the sun shining. Well, last night when I went to bed it was foggy. I woke up this morning to see it was overcast and freezing outside. Then after doing some cleaning around the house, the sun began to shine. Next, I got online to fiddle around on myspace for a bit. Suddenly I look up to see it hailing like crazy. As I type this blog only minutes later, the sun is shining again. That's your guarantee that Mother Nature is truly female (besides the maternal title of course)...we love to change our minds...:)

Keepin On

Okay, so this is always the strangest time of year to me...the period between Christmas and New Years. It just feels like time is in limbo for whatever reason. I haven't been ultra-productive this week, but I managed to get a few key things done. Ever since I was pregnant with my firstborn, I have adopted the attitude that if you get even one thing on your "to-do" list checked off, then it's been a good day. It took me a long time to truly apply it though. When my list became miles long, I had no choice but to be content with getting little things accomplished here and there or I would drive myself crazy with worry. So that is how I have approached this week. I was battling a bad sinus headache and major fatigue. I chalk it up to everything catching up with me all at once. You know when you are going all the time like the Energizer Bunny, eventually something has to give.

As lethargic as I have felt, the good news is that I have started to lose weight again. My weight had stalled over the last month and a half due to excessive snacking on holiday treats. It also doesn't help that I have a weakness for egg nog, the fattiest drink ever! Anyhow, I woke up this morning to the pleasant surprise of having lost 2 more pounds. I started out this weight-loss journey at...dare I say it...158 lbs. Yikes! That was the most I'd ever weighed in my life, except for when I was pregnant with my son (got up to 188 lbs), but I managed to lose all of it back then. I got up to 158 while I was back in school, working on my masters. Don't know why, but I just packed on the pounds. Anyway, I've been trying to lose the extra weight for a year, but it has been slow-going. It took me 8 months to lose just 5 lbs. However, once I went back to work this fall, the pounds just started coming off. My goal is to get down to somewhere between 130 - 135 lbs. I figure that is a good maintenance weight for me. Right now, I am at 144, so I have at least 10 more to lose, but I have faith that with time and effort it will happen. It feels good to finally be back to my pre-pregnancy weight though...it's been awhile. Now I would love to get down to my pre-marital weight...:) Dare I make it a New Year's resolution? I think I'll just say if at first I don't succeed, I will try, try again.

A Very Merry Christmas

I know, I know, I haven't been very good about updating these past months. So here goes the whole week in one breath. It was nutty at work right up until the last day before vacation. We had a Christmas singalong in the morning at the school, which the students loved. We got to rock out to some classic tunes and everyone threw caution to the wind in favor of having a jolly good time. They weren't too thrilled with me for cutting out early and leaving them with a sub, but I didn't wanna drive over the pass at night. I left them in good hands with some holiday treats to bribe them. So hopefully they enjoyed their afternoon activities and were good for my sub, I haven't been back to work to find out yet since we are on winter break now.

So anyhow, I got the kids rounded up and the car packed for the trip. I made the drive without hubby. He wasn't able to come, so I braved the conditions without him and was very proud of myself. I put chains on the car all by myself for the first time ever! It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I went slow so that I could be sure nothing went wrong. The only problem I faced was when I tried to remove one of the chains, it temporarily got caught on something behind the wheel. It took several minutes to remove it. Once the kids and I got back on the road, all went fine...though the drive over took us 5 hours instead of the usual 3 1/2 due to the icy roads.

On Saturday morning, I went with my mom to run errands. It was a lot of fun actually to go just the two of us. She and I have had a rough go of it in recent months, so it felt really nice to check our egos at the door for a change. We truly enjoyed one another and that's what I had been missing. She even honored a strange birthday request I had made weeks earlier of her. She took me to pick out a receipe holder and promised to write down some of my childhood favorites. That really made my day that she had remembered. Later on, we made an interesting stop to pick up the food. My parents had been keeping our dinner a mystery, only mentioning that they were trying something new. We ended up going to Taco Del Mar to pick up the food, which ended up tasting pretty good. It was unusual to have it in place of our usual buffet of finger foods, but it worked out really well because everyone loved it.

My whole family came over to spend time together. I got to see my cousin's new baby, who is adorable in every sense of the word. She definitely got the best of both of her parents and is gonna be a stunner one day. We opened up presents, which is the best part for all of us. We take a slow and patient approach. Some families prefer the free-for-all, but my parents always insisted that we open each gift one at a time. The idea is so that we can enjoy watching each other's reaction and seeing what each person got. It prolongs the fun and teaches us all to practice patience. Anyhow, my mom finally got to the present I had been waiting for months to give her. She saw that I had given her a book called, Chicken Soup for the Working Mom's Soul. Her initial reaction was "oh thank you" and I could tell she wasn't sure why I'd give this particular book to her. She continued to seem confused when I insisted she read the short story that was bookmarked. My dad had accidentally found out about the book earlier in the day, so he was trying to help me to get my mom to read the story amid the many conversations taking place in the room (it was the last gift opened). She began to read the first few lines and a sudden realization set in. She looked up at me with the proudest expression I've ever seen on her face. She asked me in disbelief if this story was by me and I told her yes, while feverishly snapping photos to capture the moment. The whole idea had been my hubby's and he wanted to see her reaction. She got up and gave me a great big hug and told me how proud she was of me. That was the best present right there. Check out the play by play...

The night continued on as I visited with my family. I took my niece and another cousin to see "I Am Legend." It was incredibly scary, but a fantastic movie. The next day, we had planned to go sledding, but the weather turned really yucky. So instead, I packed up the kids and headed home a little early to beat the winter storm that was on its way. It was a a wonderful weekend with my family.

Then on Christmas Eve, hubby surprised me by calling to say he was getting off earlier than expected. I had thought I would spend another family get-together without him, thankfully we didn't have to. We drove down to Salem to spend the evening with the other side of my family. Everyone was eating when we arrived, so we dug right into the food and then opened presents. Another gread gift I was able to give was to my natural father. He had lent me a journal about 10+ years ago, but I had misplaced it. Well, about a week ago, I found it. Let's just say that my dad was VERY happy to get it back FINALLY. I also got to read aloud my short story and my family made me feel so good. They were really proud of me. One of the things I love about this annual family Christmas celebration is that we play a raucious game of Balderdash. Everyone gets really into it and it is an awesome bonding experience. Since we only get to do it once a year, most everyone plays. This year I even won, though my uncle was a very close second. I was sad to call it a night, but we had to get home.


On the way back, we drove around some neighborhoods so that the kids could look at the Christmas lights on all the houses. It's one of our family traditions. Then when we got home, the kids changed into their pajamas. They wrote a note to Santa, left out some cookies and milk, and I read aloud Twas the Night Before Christmas. The next morning, we watched the kids open all of their gifts. They loved all their presents and hubby made us a yummy breakfast. Since we were gonna celebrate this coming weekend with Kevin's family, we just spent a quiet day at home, doing very little while the kids played. All in all, it was a very merry holiday!

O'Tannenbaum

Hubby, the kids, and I went out this past weekend to Loch Lolly's Christmas Tree Farm. They are a tad on the spendy side, but you get a whole experience there. In addition to finding a great tree, we got to sip some hot chocolate, interact with the geese on their scenic pond, browse the gift shop, and take pictures with Santa himself. The kids had an absolute ball. They got to tell 'Ol St. Nick what they wanted in their stockings, so that was fun to watch. Later that night, we went over to our friends' home as usual for us. However, Rosie and I took the boys to see a Christmas concert later that night and had a wonderful time. After a couple of days, we finally got the tree up and decorated it. That finally got the house looking more festive. Even though I'd adorned the house about two weeks before, the tree really completes the look I think. It's just doesn't feel like Christmas until the tree is up and glowing with lights. Now I just have a few more things to get to finish my Christmas shopping. Can't wait to celebrate the holidays!

A Long Walk

So I as I approach another birthday, I am taking a good look at where I've been and how far I've come. I thought that my childhood was nutty and then I reached adolescence. I thought that teendom was a wild ride, that is, until I reached my roaring twenties. Just when I thought I'd grown out of the whole coming-of-age thing, I hit thirtysomething. Suffice it to say, I am finally comfortable in my own skin, but every decade seems to bring it's own set of highs and lows. It's been a long walk, to say the least. I loved the freedom that my twenties brought. It was when I had all the major milestones such as graduating from college, getting married, and having children (and not necessarily in that order).

However, I think that my thirties have been my favorite time overall, and I don't say that just because it is my present-day existence. I've had some intense struggles in the last few years, but have also made incredible strides on a personal level. I feel as though I truly know myself at long last. Also, I possess a confidence that was missing for years. That doesn't mean I can always put myself out there, but the fact that I am a teacher is an amazing feat for me. To be 'on' everyday, all day, is very taxing. The biggest milestones I've hit in my thirties have been graduating with my masters and becoming a teacher. These are goals that were always on the horizon, but never really thought I'd achieve them.

I started out in life with the hope of becoming a Japanese interpreter, an author, or a social worker in either child welfare or adoption. After being an exchange student and studying Japanese, I realized that I loved the culture and the language. Yet I didn't feel confident that I could make a career out of it. It was halfway through school that I suddenly felt that social services was my calling. After ten years in that field, I burned out on every level. That field can take such an emotional toll after awhile. Then I discovered that I was a pretty damn good teacher and thought, why not? So here I am today...teaching. It's not the craziest job I've ever had (that title belongs to my days working in residential treatment). However, teaching is right up there with all the good, the bad, and the ugly. Education has an underbelly, or rather a dark side, but the pure joy of imparting wisdom to children can't be beat.

In my personal life, I have to say that though I've made been on a rollercoaster of a relationships. Some have been heaven-sent, while others have been complete disasters. My hubby and kids make me laugh, smile, and cry like it's nobody's business...which is part of the package we call family. All in all, I think things have turned out alright for the first 34 years of my life. It's a bit crazy sometimes, but I have faith that everything happens for a reason. I know that sounds so cliche, but it's so true. Okay, enough reflection! Mirrors are overrated anyway...:)

A Myriad of Things

Well, it's been so long since my last post that I just don't even know where to begin. Thanksgiving, Black Friday, report cards, and a host of other things have come and gone. We spent a weekend with my family in Bend to celebrate an early Thanksgiving. That was an interesting time. I love my family and had fun with them, but sometimes one relative in particular can be a bitter pill to swallow whenever I am around this person. I love 'em with all my heart and have learned to deal, but sometimes this person pushes one two many buttons...so I temporarily pull back from them until I have had time to process everything and move past it. This is a big deal for me as I am NOT a grudgeholder, but this person can be. However, I am hopeful that time can heal this particular wound as it hurts. I don't want to say who they are, I just wanted to vent a little bit.

On a brighter note, we spent Thanksgiving with my husband's family and stuffed ourselves silly with wonderful food. As abrasive as my SIL can be, she makes a mean spinach dip that I couldn't get enough of. Then to work off the feast, I took my son Christmas shopping with me on Black Friday. He was all gung ho to hit the stores, even at the blurry hour of 4:30 in the morning. We were both tired, but terribly alert for this expedition. We started out with Kohl's big sale and thought we were the early birds. Turns out that everybody and their mom had the same idea. The parking lot was completely packed and the checkout line wrapped around the entire store! I couldn't believe how insane it was out there. I couldn't really find anything that I wanted to buy so badly that I would waste an hour or more waiting in line. So Nicky and I went to shop to Fred Meyer's and found quite a bit. We followed up several other stops, including a little break at Starbucks for hot chocolate. I had taken Kirsten to a baby shower the weekend before, so it was so nice to spend the day with Nicky. I was so proud of how well he held up during that loooooong day of shopping. We put in at least 6-7 hours and I still have more to get!

I also made it through my first trimester of teaching school and even breezed through report cards. They weren't nearly as hard as I had feared they would be. I am still learning tons and constantly tweaking my lessons for the better. It feels like turning the pages of the book, just when you think you've finished, there's more. Anyhow, I feel better going into this trimester and got a good evaluation from my principal, so woohoo on both counts.

On a completely separate note, I watched an episode of Dancing with the Stars awhile back and heard a great song that I wanted to share. It has become one of my favorites and is called "Get Ready, Set, Don't Go." It is a duet between Billy Ray Cyrus (whom I've been having strange dreams about lately) and his daughter Miley. I am amazed that this is the same person who once sang the cheesy "Achy Breaky Heart." He has come a long way since his mullet days, I'll say that much. I think Miley definitely has a bright future in showbiz too. Check out this video clip from Youtube and enjoy! The dancers do a beautiful job also!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBJcc0LcYos

Tearing away the cobwebs

Holy guacamole! It's been forever since I last updated. It's been a crazy time (as usual it seems). It's been an emotional rollercoaster as of late, with a lot of highs and lows at work and home. My professional life is improving in many ways. It's still labor-intensive and time-consuming, but every week gets better and I get more efficient. The next big obstacle in my path will be report cards. They are due at the end of the month, so I have a ton of work to do between now and then. The major challenge that I face is that my grading practices have been evolving over the course of the term, so I will do my best to figure out a better system for the next semester. I am most excited thought to do some fun activities that I've been waiting to do with my students forever, but finally feel prepared to implement with them. If I get a chance, I'll post pictures of their final efforts.

As for home life, that has been overall good. My kids are enjoying the coming holidays and spending time with family. I've been trying to make more time for them and prioritize better. Hubby and I hit a financial snafoo back in September when he got laid off, so we've been playing additional catch up now that he's been back to work. The unfortunate side effect of this has been that we've had to postpone our daughter's start date for preschool until January. Thankfully, I can teach her the basics until then and our childcare provider helps out a bit with that. She just wants to go to school so badly, so it's extra hard.

Another issue that's been tough has been a family member that's very close to me has been giving me extra grief, which doesn't help. This person has some very strong opinions about some things and has been taking out their frustrations on me, an easy target for their issues. This doesn't sit well with me, but I deal with it. I don't wanna air that part of my laundry here, but had to get a little bit of that off my chest. I know I'm being a bit vague. Luckily, I've been able to compartmentalize that part of my stress for the most part. Anyway, I hope that the holidays will bring lots of joy and happiness to our lives. Things have been improving overall and I am feeling very centered these days. I'm not the frenetic, neurotic freak that I was of months past (well, most of the time anyway).

Most recently, I got to go to a baby shower with a friend of mine. It was held at Godfather's Pizza, so the food was an added bonus. We took our daughters along and they had a grand time. It's still on my heart's desires to have another baby, but I've learned to appreciate my two kids for all they are and pray that we'll be able to give them a wonderful childhood. Okay, I think I better end this blog now as I'm getting a little too contemplative for a Sunday afternoon. Take care!

Happy Haunting

So I got the kids all dressed up for Halloween this year. As usual, the kids picked out their own costumes and did remarkably well at matching for once. Normally, they are wear completely opposite outfits...which is fine. It's just that this year they looked like they both hail from Hogwarts. N dressed up as Harry Potter and K wanted to be a Pretty Pink Princess. She was adorable and even had a pink pumpkin to match her dress. Somehow we misplaced the glasses that would've completed N's outfit, but he didn't seem to mind too much. We toured the neighborhood and they got quite a haul of candy. Hubby had to work late, so he had miss out this year. It was hard on everyone as this was the first time he couldn't go trick or treating with the family. Halloween is his favorite holiday. However, K was getting tired and cold, so when Hubby did come home he came and got her. N and I proceeded to finish up our tour, which included a scary house. There is a house that hosts a neighborhood haunted house in their garage every year. It attracts kids from all over. They do this at no cost and even give out full size candy bars! They do a fantastic job too. I was even a little spooked by this lady who played a stabbing victim that stalked us as we went inside. She had this crazed look in her eyes and then began to stroke her knife. Just as you near the exit, they start the chainsaw. Yeah, we were outta there pretty fast. It feels good to know that you're never to old to enjoy a good 'ol fashioned scare...as long as it is in the safety of your own neighborhood and you know you'll likely see that lady with the knife at the next PTA function in her minivan. No Wisteria Lane around here.

All will be alright...

Well, I've been keeping busy lately with a lot of errands. As money allows, I try to stock my classroom with much-needed supplies, curriculum books, and such. It's fun to shop for stuff that will make my life as a teacher all the smoother. It's my hope that I can keep it all organized. Each week is definitely improving. While there are lots of little things still to do, I feel as though I am moving closer to my goals. I am always the perfectionist, so that hinders my progress at times. I want things to go right the first time and am easily frustrated when they don't. So I have been practicing the art of just letting go of the little things and accepting that I am still learning. Being okay with making mistakes is a big accomplishment for me. I preach that to my students all the time...that it is the effort that is most important...the right answers will come. Now I just have to remember to heed my own words. It's all about taking on a zen attitude.

Something else that has been grabbing my attention as of late has been the fact that the holiday season is almost upon us. I love Autumn, the colors, the beautiful trees, and the spookiness of Halloween. My kids really look forward to this time of year. They get to wear costumes, go trick-or-treating, and participate in our family traditions. However, once we bid farewell to the ghosts and goblins, I become a giddy little kid. Why may you ask? Well, because that means that 'tis the season to be jolly. There's Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, and New Years all in the span of just over a month. Most importantly, Christmas break will be here soon and I'll get a full two weeks to hang out with my kids. I miss them terribly and sometimes resent the extra hours I have to put in at work. Yet I know that they still love me and that keeps a smile on my face on even the yuckiest of days. Anyhow, I love this time of year most of all and can't wait to see family, eat good food, and go Christmas shopping.

Clouds are parting...

Survived parent conferences! It was an incredibly long week, but I feel as though the clouds are parting and I'm getting a little sunbreak. The weather has been gloomy as has been my workload. It always feels good to get some busywork off the plate. In addition to completing my own conferences, I attended my son's at his school nearby. After speaking with his first grade teacher, I stuck around and was able to chat with a sixth grade teacher. She spent an hour showing me stuff that her class has been doing and shared a ton of materials with me. She just met me and even lent me a book of hers to use. I thought that took amazing trust on her part, but I reassured her that I stop in every morning to drop off my son so I would return her book shortly. Anyhow, she gave me so many great ideas that I will be incorporating into my own classroom. What I love about my son's school is how organized and together it is.

My school is a wonderful place in it's own right, but there are some challenges to it (as I have blogged about in the past). It's tough being on a team of two first year teachers and our title teacher is also in her first year of such a position, so everyone is just trying to find their own way. Since I finished my conferences a little early, I devoted part of Friday to getting some extra stuff done. I brought home a stack of papers to sort through and organize into files. It's too tedious to share all of my new plans here in this blog, but I feel good about the changes. Also, since it was payday, I purchases some educational books that I had been wanting. All around it was a productive week and gives me hope for the coming months. While I don't expect to master everything the first year, I plan to become more adept at some things at least.

We also got some additional bills paid off and that has been a good feeling. Little by little the positives are coming back into our lives. The kids got to play with some friends and get some time off from school. We are gearing up for Halloween, so that will be fun. We just need to sit down and carve the pumpkin one of these nights. I have an scary idea for what it ought to look like, but we'll see if I can convince hubby to go with it. Anyhow, I am ret to go for another week. For now, laundry awaits. So tahtah for now!

Insomia

Alright, it's going on three days now where I've gotten an attack of insomnia in the wee hours of the morning. I even gave up trying to sleep on night between the hours of 2 and 4am. Couldn't stop dreaming about work stuff and it was driving me crazy. I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety surrounding upcoming parent conferences at work. It's my first time planning them and it doesn't help that I've had to revamp many of my grading practices. Teaching definitely takes time to learn and I'm learning to accept the fact that I won't be able master everything right off the bat. I am trying my best not to get to down on myself when I make mistakes, however it is a frustrating process to go through. I want feel prepared for when the conferences start on Wednesday, but it's gonna be a painfully long road until that time arrives.

Things are getting better every week however. The lightbulb shines a little bit brighter with each new discovery. Ever the student am I. People look at teachers and assume that all they do is teach the lesson and grade a few papers. I used to be one of those people. However, I have quickly learned just how many tiny details go into making an effective classroom and teacher. My classroom neighbor is a third-year teacher and she confided in me the other day that she is still figuring some things out. I complimented her on how organized she seemed and how nice her classroom looked, she replied that she keeps the flaws well-hidden but they are there. She also said that it's taken her a long time to get used to juggling all the balls in the air, but she is getting there. I am taking that advice to heart and hoping for a restful night's sleep for once.

Warning: Graphic...

On another note, Kirsten came down with the sniffles this week among other things. Her nose had gotten crusty and gross after a couple of days. She was getting a few little red spots on her face that looked like pimples. Nicky had gotten a milder version earlier in the week, but his seemed to be clearing up. I thought the red dots were unusual, but just assumed they had eaten too much sugar. Then Kirsten began complaining that her foot toe hurt. We just assumed she meant she had stuffed it. After removing her sock, I noticed she had a bad infection on her big toe. We put some Neosporin and kept it clean, but it kept getting worse.

Luckily, the kids and I had Friday off and so I took them to the doctor. Turns out Kirsten has impetigo on her nose and a staph infection on her toe. We caught it before it got too bad. The doctor gave her some cream and antibiotics to fight off the infections. Poor little thing, but she's been a trooper. Nicky is pretty uch healed. I've been diligent with her medicine and she's been so good about following directions for the most part. Between her ailments, the house being a wreck, getting behind on grading papers, and stressing about conferences...I now understand the source of my insomnia. It's just plain o'l stress. Kirsten is now on the mend, I'm catching up on work stuff, and trying to relax and enjoy things more. Guess I just have to accept that some days will be stressful no matter what, but learning to handle things with a positive outlook helps the stress roll off my back a little easier.

So happy together...

In spite of all the time I've been putting in at work, the weekends have been reserved for quality time with my family. Hubby and I have made it our priority to make sure the kids feel that our time together is special. For instance, we took the kids to Krispy Kreme a few weeks ago for a special breakfast out. We got to eat some fresh and hot glazed doughnuts. Mmmmmmm, does a tummy good. They always get a kick out of watching the doughnuts getting made. They are big fans of the show on Discovery Channel called How It's Made, so this place is right up their alley. The kids still have their Krispy Kreme hats. Anyhow, then we went onto tour some nearby housing developments and check out some open houses, another of our favorite pasttimes.

Last weekend, we celebrated our son's birthday at Chuck E. Cheese with some family and friends. That place is a child's wonderland and the kids have been asking when we'll be able to go back. They had a ball as they ate pizza, played pinball, rode in the kiddy rides, and goofed off inside the play structure. It was a crazy few hours, but made it a memorable day for the children.

Then just yestderay we made our annual trip to the apple orchard/pumpkin patch. Oregon Heritage Farm specializes in apples, but also sells pumpkins. We always manage to go on their fundraising weekend. A local high school ski team hosts their fundraising event at the farm, so it is a big deal. We went on a hayride that takes you on a tour throughout the orchard. The kids really enjoyed that part. Perhaps the part they got the most fun out of were the two haymazes. One was a like a labyrinth and the other one had a tarp over it to make it dark inside. With a flashlight, the kids got to go exploring inside. The part I personally look forward to is getting the honeycrisp apples each year. I'm not much of an apple person, but these ones are absolutely divine. We get some of their homemade apple cider and some potpourri as well. Due to the impending rain, we had cut our day a little short...otherwise we would've indulged in some caramel apples and face painting too. Anyhow, we had a wonderful day. I have a 3-day weekend coming up, so I am excited to have some additional time with the kids. They are truly my life, so I appreciate every spare moment I can with them. With all of the drama surrounding some of our close friends right now, we are definitely cherishing these times all the more and take nothing for granted anymore.

Caught in the middle

I am starting to feel the drain on my energy. I used to blog almost daily, but now I'm lucky if I get one done a week. I've been keeping a crazy schedule with work. It's been getting a little better, but I still have some very late nights and am still losing weight. That last part is one of the nice perk, but I just don't want my health to suffer and get totally run down. I still don't even have a sub plan put together or even know how to call subfinder in the event I do get sick. That is high on my priority list though now that some of the academic things are finally coming together for me. Still wish I had had some better mentoring, but what can you do? Just doin the best I can with what I have to work with.

Celebrated our son's birthday this past weekend. N is now 7 years old. We went with some family and friends to Chuck E. Cheese for his dinner party and oh did he have lots of fun. Spent all of Sunday being lazy...really lazy. I got some laundry done and got a bit of the living room picked up, but otherwise I tried to be a lump on a log. It was cold and rainy outside, so I was more than happy to stay inside with the fam.

Today however was a far cry from the good weekned I had. It was a really long work day and then ended up in the middle of something I wasn't prepared for. The short version is that two of my closest friends are getting a divorce and somehow I found myself caught in the middle. Lines have been drawn in the sand and I'm feeling as if I have to choose between my two friends...and it's not a good feeling. Right now there is a lot of mistrust, hurtful words, and accusations flying around. There are kids involved, so it complicates things even more. Even though I have my personal opinions about the situation, I have told both that I will be there as a support, but would prefer to be kept out of the crossfire and refuse to choose. Divorce is never easy, but it quickly becomes clear where loyalties lie. I just hope both sides of this family remember that the children should be sheltered from as much as possible from the bad blood. Makes me awfully grateful for what I have that is going well in my life and not to take anything for granted.

Britt Brat

WARNING! Graphic blog ahead...After a long month of nonstop work, my health finally failed me today. We spend much of yesterday out shopping with my daughter. She and I were spending some quality time together while getting my son's birthday gifts. Well, we brought home some Chinese food from a local grocery store chain for dinner. All was well until about 3 am. I woke up with a nasty feeling in my stomach and lower back. Needless to say, I spent the next hour battling some sort of virul attack as I was in and out of the bathroom. When I finally crawled back to bed, I had to keep a tupperware bowl nearby just in case. I emptied my system of everything I'd eaten over the last week. I had hoped to wake up feeling like a ray of sunshine, but instead looked pale as a ghost.

Not sure what went wrong with my tummytumtum, I opted for the BRAT diet today. I believe BRAT stands for bananas, rice, apples, and toast. In essence, sticking with bland foods to keep everything at bay. So far so good. I'm getting better. Just working on some of my lessons for the coming week. I feel like I'm getting more efficient as each week goes by. I really need to get my sub plans prepared in the event I have a problem arise down the road. I am hopeful to be back to normal by tomorrow. So I'm trying to get my lessons in order just in case one of my kids gets this virus. Still don't know what I have, though a student of mine vomited in class the other day. Probably got it from him. Anyhow, hubby picked up some vitamins at Costco for us to start helping with our nutrient intake. I also want to get some Echinacea for additional protection.

Apples of my eye

Today is the first Sunday I've truly had off in literally four months. After I graduated from my teaching program last spring, I took a Sunday School job back in May to help make ends meet. Well, I've been pulling double-duty ever since I got my new teaching job almost a month ago with the local school district. Last week I said goodbye to everyone and even though I miss it there, it felt good to sleep in and hang out with my family again. To me, that is more important. We got right up and out the door this morning.

We decided to go to Krispy Kreme to have some doughnuts for breakfast. It was a specal treat for the kids as they love watching through the window as the doughnuts are made. Then we went over to a nearby housing development to window shop. I should I say dream and drool. These are higher-end homes that are way out of our range, but it's fun for us to look anyway. We hadn't done that in months. Then we headed over to Costco for some bulk groceries before heading over to Target to check out the "Scary Party." That's what the kids call the Halloween section. They enjoy looking at the grotesque decorations. Actually, hubby is the biggest kid of all. I get giddy over Christmas stuff, he gets the same way about Halloween. N decided he wants to be Harry Potter and K will be pretty in pink as a princess.

As a family, autumn is one of our favorite seasons. It's not just the beautiful colors of the trees that gets us. We love to get the costumes, deck the house out, and visit the pumpkin patch every year. The pumpkin patch we like to go to also specializes as an apple orchard, so we buy their honeycrisps and homemade cider every year. They offer a tour through their orchard and provide a haymaze. There's a bouncy apple to jump on and caramel apples to eat. It's become our tradition since we started going a few years ago. I think this will year number four or five...I've lost track. Anyway, the day started off sunny, but it's now raining. We are all back home and relaxing. I am so glad to escape the vortex that is my job for a couple of days before going back in for more. I was missing my kids and today made up for the whole week. As soon as I can get some new pictures downloaded, I'll post them. Take care!

A balancing act

Alright, please bear with me as the only topic that I have to blog about these days is teaching. I am literally eating, breathing, and sleeping my classroom. The night custodian and I are on very friendly terms and the other staff joke that I need a cot put in my room to sleep. It has become more than a second home. It is labor-intensive, time-consuming, and engaging all at once. I am loving what I'm doing and feel truly challenged for the first time in years. However, I can't recall ever having to give sooooo much of myself over to a job before. One great side effect to all this overtime has been the weight loss. I've lost almost 5 lbs in a week. It had been taking me a month on average to lose even 1 lb. If this continues, I will be at my goal weight in a couple of weeks. See? There is always a silver lining.

I realize that lots of people put in 12-13 hour days and work just as hard. I have personally had jobs that I worked my tail off for too. The biggest difference I think I'm feeling is that I never had to sacrifice quite so much of my personal life before...with the exception of a residential treatment facility that I worked at awhile back. That was way harder than teaching...physically and emotionally-speaking.

Teaching has been more or less a difficult juggling act. Teachers are expected to wear so many hats...Educator, entertainer, librarian, nurse, disciplinarian, counselor, social worker, and more or less a jack-of-all-trades with the subject matter. It is mentally-exhausting trying to keep all the balls in their air and balance everything else on your plate. I am simply struggling to find an organizational system that is effective, get a handle on how to implement the curriculum, plan activities and homework for 5-7 subjects daily, be "on" all the time for the kids, attend a meeting nearly everyday afterschool, contact parents, track grades and student progress accordingly, plan fundraising events for outdoor school, collaborate on a data team, and still make in home in time to have dinner with my family. I think you get the point.

Please don't get me wrong, I am very happy to be a teacher. I am just the kind of person who needs to vent for awhile about stuff that is stressful and overwhelming until I figure it out. Then all is dandy. For instance, I had one coworker come to me yesterday to talk about how things are going for me and he commented how much calmer I seemed. I said that yes I was more mellow because I was adjusting better and feeling more familiar with things. I also shared with him that I have a freak out factor at first when I feel lost and in new territory...then I'm fine. He got a kick out of that.

As for life outside the classroom...this is hard for me as I haven't seen my kids much the last two weeks...N is enjoying first grade so far. He likes his classmates and new teacher. He's not feeling very challenged though and we fear that he is getting bored. His class is recapping all of the basic alphabet as his class has a lot of struggling readers. N doesn't struggle though and is way past this learning stage. We worry that he will have other issues as a result. We are keeping a close eye on things. K longs to go to preschool. We plan to get her enrolled in the next few weeks if certain things pan out like we hope (see below). In the meantime, I read books almost every night with N and K. K reads by telling about what she sees in the picture, N and I take turns reading the actual story. This nightly ritual has been a great bonding experience too for all of us, especially on my late work nights. N even told me tonight as I tucked him in that he missed having me home. That was hard because I miss being with the kids more. I keep reminding myself that things will improve soon and I will be around more often.

On completely different note, hubby was laid off due to corporate downsizing. However all is not lost, he already has an interview next week and we have high hopes for that job. In other news, we got our land line back for the first time in 4 years! It feels so nice to hold a phone that is smaller than my hand. It's one of those luxuries that we took for granted, but no longer. Anyhow, I am starting to babble incessantlly so I'm gonna go get some sleep.

Keeping busy

Okay, I made it through the first week of teaching...barely. Today is my first day off in about three weeks. I have been winding up my time at my summer job as a Sunday School Teacher, so I have one day left of that. It just makes an already crazy week that much longer. However, I will miss that job as I really enjoyed the kids and the congregration. It's a great little church program. Yet I have inherited a class of 6th graders in return.

Needless to say, I was petrified the first day. The 6th graders walked into my class with curiosity. They seemed so huge to me compared to 1st graders I was accustomed to. It was all I could to keep my nerves under control. I had to really keep my straight face on as they attempted to find my buttons to push. When I survived their initial tests, they realized pretty quickly as the week wore on that I meant business and was in charge. I spent most of the time getting to know their personalities and quirks as a class in lieu of assessment. I figured that was an imperitive step for me in my classroom management. I think I made the right decision in that regard, because we have begun to build a good rapport. My kids respect my authority and already seem eager for my opinion on their work. Makes me feel like I can officially call myself a teacher.

The thing that I need to work on is my organization skills. I have so many things to do that I've had to stay late every night this past week. It's really unavoidable at this point because there are a variety of tasks that just take time to do. I have a system and that also takes time to build and set in motion. As I get more comfortable with the curriculum and efficient in my work, I have faith that the extra hours will dwindle to more regular hours. I would like to go from staying til 7 or 8 each night to getting out by 5pm. At least I've carved out the weekends for family and friends. I can't be a wife and mother if I spend ALL of my waking hours acting as a teacher. There has to be a balance if I am to survive this career transition. It's rewarding, challenging, labor-intensive, and time-consuming. I am enjoying it though. It just takes A LOT of prep and planning ahead.

Thank you to all of you have been supportive throughout this process. It has been arduous task and not always hunky-dory. My husband lost his job this past week, so we are back to square one so to speak. His company let go of four people that same day in the name of "corporate downsizing." We figure it's life's way of keeping us humble. At least we'll be fine. Maybe this will be his chance to find another way to shine.

D Day

Alright, it's not quite Doomsday, but that's how it feels at least. The first day of school is fast-approaching. I'm excited for my son as he enters first grade. He's been anticipating this day all summer and is chomping at the bit to get back to school. It's endearing to see that enthusiasm as I know the day will come when the dread sets in when he has to say goodbye to lazy summer days. Tuesday will be bittersweet for me however. It will be my first official day of teaching. I've been scrambling to get my classroom ready and start planning my lessons. It has been a very confusing process to try an make sense of all the curriculum materials and understand the standards. Somehow I naively thought that once I got a hold of the Teacher's Editions that it would all make sense. That's how it worked when I student taught in both the fifth grade and first grade classes. I didn't really struggle too much. For whatever reason, it's been tough for me this time around. I am thinking that it's partly due to my anxiety and the overwhelming amount of things that need to be done. Everyone says to act confident even when you don't feel that way. It's hard for me to be something I'm not. The confidence usually arrives once I know what I'm doing. I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve.

On the bright side, I've been cracking open the Teacher's Editions and it is slowly beginning to become a bit clearer to me. What has been plaguing me is how to find that balance of not thinking about what I still need to do every minute of the day when I am at home. My brain just can't let go. Thoughts of school keep invading my dreams even. I hope to get things organized at work to the point where I can enjoy my time away from the classroom. I've been told I will have a very lively group of students (a.k.a. the worst group in years), but I remain optimistic about things to come. I like to think that a fresh perspective might not be such a bad thing. I don't expect to walk on water this year, but I do hope to learn how to tread at the very least. Sometimes it feels like I'm in over my head, but I am keeping the faith that with time I WILL find my groove. Please keep your fingers crossed for me as I take these first baby steps with my first class. 6th grade here I come!

Plugging Away

I'm proud to report that I'm not in panic mode (not yet anyway). Though it has been an exceptionally challenging week. Due to various staff meetings and an extensive amount of information gathering, I have had precious little time during the day to tend to my classroom "to-do" list. This has resulted in some late nights. For the last two nights in a row I haven't gotten home until after 8pm. It sucks because I'm missing so much time with the kids. They wonder where I'm at and when I'll be coming home. I don't want this to be the norm, so I am scrambling to get so much done now to avoid pitfalls that could come later. It's impossible to forsee everything, but I figure it can't hurt to be prepared for whatever may come. Most importantly, I am excited about the coming holiday weekend. I will get to see my family all weekend. Hopefully, the late nights will soon end. We shall see.

Wising Up

Okay, I was channeling David Bowie on the title as it was very fitting. This is the week that all of the staff came back to work. I've been splitting my time between attending trainings, meetings, and working in my classroom. The other teachers are an interesting mix. I've made some good friends with some genuinely nice people that have a sense of humor and are easygoing. Some of the more sassy ones are on the younger side. I am finding I have more in common with the thirtysomethings than the twentysomething set. Maybe I just can't relate or vice versa, but there is a maturity that I like in the staff closer to my age. I went to lunch with three of other new teachers and made a reference to a commercial from my childhood. The twentysomethings kinda just stared and talked about something else. The 31 year old got the reference and traded several funny slogans from past. It felt we each had an inside joke that other just didn't get. It was an odd feeling. Sometimes I wish that old show Thirtysomething was still on because I could finally "get it." I was much too young to fully understand and appreciate the dynamics of that show at the time.

It's true that with age comes wisdom. I know I will one day look back on this time and think how much I still had to learn...we never stop evolving I think. My teaching partner is all of 24 years old. She is a California transplant and is a little salty to work with. We get along, but are just so very different in every way. She is a first year teacher too, but that's where our similarities end. It's hard to explain in writing, but needless to say I am trying very hard to make the best of things.

The building is closing in at the end of the school year, so there is a lot of tension in the building about what the future holds jobwise for everybody. There are a couple of prickly personalities that don't help matters, but most are keeping a positive outlook and handling things well for the kids' sake. I am new, so I have the luxury of not being too attached to the staff or the building. This is part of what keeps me going. A couple of really nice teachers came to shed some light on why the issue is so volatile. I was grateful for their honesty and trust. I hope to gain some valuable experience and not make any waves this year. In short, I don't want anything to do with the toxic nature of the issue. I will land where I land in the end, not much I can do to control what will be.

What I've really struggled with is the layout of my room. Much like when you move into a new home, I can't seem to decide how to best utilize the space. It took me three days the first time around to get it just so...this was two weeks ago. Well, today I decided to rearrange some of my stuff. After tearing my room apart, I realized that certain things just couldn't go anywhere else. I am limited in options due to the phone and computer network outlets, so that made it harder to figure out what to do. I moved stuff here, there, and everywhere. After getting filing cabinets, tables, desk, and bookcase moved...I also took some things down from the wall. What really bugs me about what I did is that I eventually moved the majority of the stuff back to its original spot. I made some good changes, but mostly I ended back up where I started. Go figure.