You've Got That "Nagging' Feeling

I have been experiencing an interesting tug at my heartstrings in recent months. This feeling has haunted me ever since I first became a mother, but it has become more persistant as of late. This past summer was truly awesome because the kids and I really got to enjoy our time together. I took a cue from some a passage I once read that spoke of "making memories" with your family. This could take the form of an extragant trip somewhere abroad or could simply be a trip to your local pumpkin patch. It could also be something like volunteering everyday at your kids' school or just baking cookies with your little girl on a Saturday morning. The point is, the time we spend with our children is precious and limited, so we have to take every moment we can with them and cherish that time. The feeling I've been speaking of is the desire to be with my kids more.

I would love to be a SAHM, but it hasn't been financially possible up to this point. We accumulated too much debt and that was our own fault. DH has always understood this desire, but we both have agreed that we really want to move out of our townhome and into a stand alone house with a backyard for the kids. We also agreed before we got married that we wanted to travel with the kids as much as we could. I have learned that it is definitely a tradeoff. I realize that being at home isn't easy peasy, but you get to be with your children more often and that makes it all worthwhile. That's why summertime is so special to us.


As a WOHM, I know that I have managed to balance things the best I can and shouldn't feel guilty for it. However, that can be easier said than done. I was just chatting with a good friend of mine this afternoon (who also happens to be a SAHM). She was sharing her sacrifices and the benefits of her choice. I spoke of how I would ideally love to work part time and also stay home. It would be the best of both worlds. I became a teacher for many reasons. Among those reasons were 1) I love kids 2) help my own kids with their work 3) better benefits and pay than nonprofit social work-my old line of work 4) vacations with my children. That last reason was a big plus for me. My kids and I have come to really look forward to our time together in the summer and I try to make the most of it by taking them to do lots of different activities and adventures. My home is cleaner, meals are better, and we are all much more relaxed (especially me).

I suffer from a bit of depression every September when I have to return to work as it is a major transition for us all. It's almost like summer dangles the carrot of a SAHM's life and than snatches it away. I realize that neither side of the coin is a walk in the park. Each choice comes with its share of hardships and rewards. This nagging feeling to be home more has been aggravated by reading other mommy blogs. I find that I can briefly peer into the window of another family to catch a glimpse of how green the grass is on the other side. I admire and envy many of the moms out there in blogland. You are truly blessed. Those of you who homeschool are especially fortunate and brave for taking on such an endeavor. DH likes the kids being in a regular school. As a teacher, it would be feasible for me to do this and I think I could do a good job, but would be a monetary sacrifice we (or dare I say DH) aren't ready to make. Wow, after rereading that last sentence it hits home even more when I put that way. Grrrrrrrr (aimed at myself, excuse the venting here).

We enjoy our outings and aim to begin traveling out-of-state more often in the coming year. DH and I like to think that this will be the best gift we can give our kids. We are not materialistic in the sense that we think the kids have to have the best of everything (far from it). We just want to give them life experiences and exposure to new place and cultures with us as their guides. We make a concerted effort to do this on a smaller scale as well. I will likely continue to feel guilty and wish I could stay home more, but also have to keep reminding myself that being a working mom has its perks too. I must admit that my students often become my extended family and mean a great deal to me. So there you have it...my conundrum. Maybe someday soon DH will score a new, better paying job that will enable me to find that perfect PT position so I can be with my two monkeys and my students as well.