Alright, it's not quite Doomsday, but that's how it feels at least. The first day of school is fast-approaching. I'm excited for my son as he enters first grade. He's been anticipating this day all summer and is chomping at the bit to get back to school. It's endearing to see that enthusiasm as I know the day will come when the dread sets in when he has to say goodbye to lazy summer days. Tuesday will be bittersweet for me however. It will be my first official day of teaching. I've been scrambling to get my classroom ready and start planning my lessons. It has been a very confusing process to try an make sense of all the curriculum materials and understand the standards. Somehow I naively thought that once I got a hold of the Teacher's Editions that it would all make sense. That's how it worked when I student taught in both the fifth grade and first grade classes. I didn't really struggle too much. For whatever reason, it's been tough for me this time around. I am thinking that it's partly due to my anxiety and the overwhelming amount of things that need to be done. Everyone says to act confident even when you don't feel that way. It's hard for me to be something I'm not. The confidence usually arrives once I know what I'm doing. I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve.
On the bright side, I've been cracking open the Teacher's Editions and it is slowly beginning to become a bit clearer to me. What has been plaguing me is how to find that balance of not thinking about what I still need to do every minute of the day when I am at home. My brain just can't let go. Thoughts of school keep invading my dreams even. I hope to get things organized at work to the point where I can enjoy my time away from the classroom. I've been told I will have a very lively group of students (a.k.a. the worst group in years), but I remain optimistic about things to come. I like to think that a fresh perspective might not be such a bad thing. I don't expect to walk on water this year, but I do hope to learn how to tread at the very least. Sometimes it feels like I'm in over my head, but I am keeping the faith that with time I WILL find my groove. Please keep your fingers crossed for me as I take these first baby steps with my first class. 6th grade here I come!
1 comment:
It's tough when you start something new. No matter how much you prepare, you never really feel like you are until you get in there and do it. Even then, it can be a struggle.
Just remember, I am here rooting for you and I always have a shoulder at the ready should you need to cry on it. I also have a high-five ready for your successes, of which there will be many.
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