Slowly but surely

Responsibilities are taking over my life! I can't seem to get away from them. Whether it is Mr. Bill stalking my mailbox or my family pulling me in ten different directions, there is just no escape route. Last night, I found myself laying wide awake in bed with a thousand thoughts running through my head. We are drowning in debt and I have felt a bit panicked. The only thing that I could focus on was the urgent need to crawl into a cave and hide. It's a bit like feeling scared of the imaginary monster under the bed, so you curl up in a ball under the covers in hopes that it won't find you. That's the sneaky thing about life, it always finds you no matter where you are.

I have been on my summer vacation for two weeks now and have managed to do a pretty good job of not thinking about anything overly stressful (with one exception). I have avoided sorting my mail and have only done a handful of the home projects that I had planned to get done. I also thought how great it would be to read some books for pleasure. Yet I am still on chapter one of a book I had been dying to read for months because I couldn't bring myself to buckle down. So instead I've become a movie addict. I've been watching at least one DVD a day as my way of escaping reality. Yes, I have become a slacker. However unflattering this title may be to some, I feel like I have earned the right to fill the role for a short while. I've been way busy and overwhelmed these past few years and needed to just step away to get some perspective. Now I realize that work and school will be resuming in the very near future and the bills need to be dealt with.

Well, after returning from a rejuvenating trip to see my family in Bend, I have been slowly getting back into the groove of things. I woke up and began to read with earnest, Memoirs of a Geisha. After getting through the hurdle of the first chapter, I decided to stop ignoring my brain. It had this desire to organize and clean. So without waking a soul, I slipped outta bed and cleaned up the kitchen some and sorted piles of mail and bills. My son woke up and I fed him and I some cereal. Sometime later we went back upstairs to relax a bit. My son played for while and I laid back down in bed and read two more chapters of my book until the rest of the family woke up. I figure I set myself a handful of goals for each day. Then I try to be proud of the tasks I actually complete, instead of scolding myself for the ones I don't. While I am not quite there yet on rushing headlong into the world of responsibilities again, I am getting there slowly but surely.