My Birthday Boy!

As I sit here and type this, I am utterly mystified at how quickly time has flown. Just a mere sixe years ago, my adorable baby boy was born on a Friday much like this one. At 9:30am, my water broke while I was at work. About 9 or so hours later, Nicky came into the world feet first (he was breech). Well, almost every detail is still fresh in mind as if it were yesterday. Along with my daughter, Nicky has been my saving grace all these years during some challenging times. He is almost always chipper and smiling. He has his moments like the rest of us, but he is really a sensitive and loving little boy. He and his sister are very considerate of each other (most of the time). His favorite pasttime continues to be drawing. He received a cool new doodlepad from his grandma. It comes with colored markers and stencils too, so he is excited to use it. He hasn't set it down since he opened it. I just can't believe that my Kindergartener has grown up so fast. While I am mourning the years we'll never be able to rewind, I look forward all the new and exciting firsts still to come.

Flipping the switch

Well, it has been quite a hectic week. Every free minute was devoted to I finally completed a big portion of my work sample and sent it off to my instructor. He is very particular about the details, so it was a painstaking process. The last several days have consisted of homework, research, and lots of editing. My kids haven't seen much of me, nor has my husband. I took Saturday off to attend a mandatory technology conference and then went over to some friends' house to celebrate three kids' birthdays (including my son's). Then it was back to the grindstone on Sunday for a 9+ hour marathon session.


I'll say this though, I can feel myself actually transforming from a mere mortal into a teacher. The professors say that all the research, theory, and practical experience is meant to be a slow, methodical change. You can truly feel little pieces of the old me fall away and be replaced by newer, more enlightened ones. I know it's a bit of a zen perspective, but I like that. The more I think I know everything there is to learn about teaching, something else comes along and puts me back in my place as that of the student. I've always thought the term Student Teacher was an oxymoron.


Last night, I chatted with a neighbor who finished the same program three years earlier. I hit her up for advice about something and listened to her tales of woe as she has just finally gotten her own classroom. She subbed for two years so she could be there for her baby. It's overwhelming to be a real teacher, let alone becoming one. Yet, today was the first time I felt some real confidence as I taught a mini-lesson to the class. The cooperating teacher had stepped out to do an errand, so I manned the helm for quite awhile. I was lucky that the class is pretty easygoing, something I need for my while I conquer my nerves.

And what's more, I got the aha! moment I had been waiting for since I changed careers. I live for the teachable moments you get with kids and you get to see the lightbulb switch on for them. I sat down with a young girl that struggles with writing and walked her through her narrative paper. She had barely 3 sentences at first and had four paragraphs within a half hour. She's one of those kids that have special needs. While I adore teaching all kids, the struggling ones are especially dear to me. That's the real payback for all this work, getting to flip the switch for kids so they can tap into how bright they really are.

Autumn

I have been deeply immersed in putting together my poetry unit for the fifth grade class that I've been student teaching in. With the exception of family life, it is all I think about most days as 2/3 of my work sample is due next week. It's a bit of a daunting task and with little time to get it all done. After a tumultuous couple of weeks dealing with lost loved ones, homework up the yinyang, and Nicky's bus riding ordeals, I figured it was time to focus a blog on something more positive. Autumn is a fascinating time of year and such a peaceful time in nature. So I thought I'd share one of my favorite poems from Robert Frost that really captures my mood and the beauty of the season. Enjoy!

In Hardwood Groves
by Robert Frost

The same leaves over and over again!
They fall from giving shade above
To make one texture of faded brown
And fit the earth like a leather glove.

Before the leaves can mount again
To fill the trees with another shade,
They must go down past things coming up.
They must go down into the dark decayed.

They must be pierced by flowers and put
Beneath the feet of dancing flowers.
However it is in some other world
I know that this is the way in ours.

Little boy lost (again)

Now I can officially say that I have every right to be a raving lunatic at this point, but I've chosen to take the high road of remaining calm. I spoke with the bus driver and instead of ripping him a new one, I politely inquired as to what happened when he dropped my son off with no adult there. He said he assumed there was someone there since there were other adults around and he couldn't be sure which one was there for him. My son had insisted on meeting his grandma and he took his word for it (and yet she wasn't at the stop?). Well, I let it go and asked him to please only let him off if the babysitter is there and he agreed. He seems nice overall, but didn't even get a "sorry" from the guy. Nicky had also left his lunchbox on the bus and at least he saved it out for him and I got it back. Kudos for that much.

Well, I took Nicky to school and saw the principal. She and I had discussed things by phone the previous night and she wanted to come over and reassure me that things would go better today. She instructed Nicky to wait in the cafeteria with the other kids while we chatted. After the bell rang, the kids shuffled off to their classes. Nicky's teacher came to get her class and he was nowhere to be found. I was in the hall with the principal still and was the only one who noticed Nicky was gone. I told the principal and she stayed with the class while I went off in search of him and found him in the library. He had followed the big kids out of the cafeteria and got all turned around and lost. It all turned out okay, but I feel like belting the next person who says "don't worry, it'll be fine." Clearly, I have reasons to be a bit nervous and frazzled. My son has a tendency to wander off and I want the school and his caretakers to be painfully aware of this so that they keep their eyes on him.

My childcare provider is another story. We are discussing options on how to make sure someone is there at all times and so she is working on a system with her daughters on how to make that happen. She said she can't take infants that she watches and that is her issue. I offered to give her my dual stroller so that she can easily cart any infants up the street if need be. I was gonna sell it, but I'd rather give it to her to use and make the situation manageable for all. She agreed to take it. I'm gonna wait and see what happens. I just don't want any more calls telling me "your son is missing." Not what my heart needs right now.

A matter of trust

Okay, I truly believe in forshadowing. I find it ironic that just a few days ago, a friend of mine shared a horror story about her nephew's first week of school. In a nutshell, he's a kindergartener and there was a mixup at the school about his childcare situation. The little boy was dropped off by the bus driver by his house with no one there to meet him. This poor kid sat in front of his house for a half hour before a neighor realized he was alone and invited him over til his parents could track him down. Every parent's nightmare scenario, eh? Well, this happened to me today.



My son is always supposed to ride the bus and go to the childcare provider's house, unless I send a note with different instructions. Sounds simple enough, well apparently not. First off, my son got mixed up about where he was supposed to go and therefore confused the school staff (for the second time in a week). Luckily, they followed my previous instructions and sent him on the bus anyway. Well, Nicky was still confused about where he was supposed to go and no one was at the bus stop to meet him. A couple of neighbor boys invited Nicky over to their house where their uncle was and so he went with them (nobody knew this though). For some unknown reason, the driver let him get off and went about his day. When my babysitter's daughter arrived to pick him up (at the wrong time), she called the school to find out where he was. They had no idea and started calling around.

I was at work (student teaching placement) and had no idea what was going on until my husband, Kevin called to tell me that Nicky was missing. I had to leave the class and make a gazillion phone calls. The chronology of this might be a bit off, so bear with me. I contacted the school to see what was happening. They said they thought Nicky had gotten off the bus somewhere and nobody knew where. My childcare provider was out combing the neighborhood looking for him. I had inkling that maybe he had gone over to our neighbor's house and to check there. Turns out my instinct was right. The principal and his teacher had gone looking for him themselves and found him there. They showed their ID badges and took him over to the babysitter's house. I finally got a call saying he was okay and safe. The call came just in time as I had been knocking at the door of feeling frantic.

My first issue is with the bus driver. Why would he let a 5 year old child get off the bus without an adult or somebody like that there to meet him. Usually if that happens, the driver is to take the child back to the school. It also seems odd that my neigbhor wasn't there to meet him on time. It turned out that they got the times mixed up. Mondays the school lets out a half hour earlier, so I understand that these things can happen so I'm not upset about that so much. What concerns me is that my babysitter can't assure me that someone will be there everytime to meet my son. We are strongly considering sending Nicky to afterschool care at a professional daycare, not private homecare on school days. The babysitter lives only a block away from the bus stop, so it's a big deal to have to walk up the way a little. I really like my childcare provider, but this is a big issue we have to deal with. I'm gonna give a little time and see how things go and decide at that point.

There is nothing like not knowing where your child is. People have called me a worrywart for some of my concerns about the bus, the school, and my some of my childcare person's policies. I like to feel that all my ducks are in a row and expect that of people taking care of my kids. Overall, they are responsible. Yet there seems to be a domino effect happening. You want to trust the people who watch over your children, but I am getting very nervous here. Makes me feel bad for not being able to be there everyday. Though I try my best, Supermom I'm not.


Here are the reasons why I plead temporary insanity for this ranting blog. First my son gets picked on by kid on the bus. Then there is confusion as to how he gets home (even though I'd explained it to them before). Next, they couldn't figure out where he was supposed to be this morning and swore they sent a note home about who his assigned teacher would be. They insisted I shouldn've gotten the note and wouldn't take my word for it until another teacher stepped in. She clarified that notes for his class hadn't been sent home yet. I got it tonight and it stated that as of this morning he was to go to a different class. Nice to get the info after the fact, eh? Then the big fiasco this afternoon with him missing. When it rains it pours I guess. It's all a matter of trust, I am just having trouble faith in people lately. I realize no one is immune to mistakes, but how many need to be made with people entrusted with children before something really bad happens? I agree with the old adage that every chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

Obsess much?

Okay, I'm officially obsessed with Memoirs of a Geisha. Here goes another blog and hence another plug for the movie. Maybe it's just my personal experiences with Japan that strongly influence my love for this fascinating culture, but it truly is a fantastic film. I finally went out and bought the DVD and we watched it again tonight. It was even better the second time around because I noticed all the little things I had missed the first time. Also, I've read the book and even the "making of" book of photographs and behind-the-scenes tidbits, so I was even more intrigued by all the nuances. It has got to be one of the most stunning and graceful films ever made. I actually swooned during the gratifying ending.

Not only am I a sucker for love stories, I also have a weakness for great cinematography, so Memoirs of a Geisha really ranks high on my list. There are a handful other movies that immediately spring to mind when I think of beautiful cinematography (and a little romance thrown in never hurts). While some may disagree with the following choices, they are simply that, my choices...

• Sound of Music
• Titanic
• Witness
• Contact
• LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring
• LOTR: The Two Towers
• LOTR: Return of the King

I realize this list is very short, I'm thinking of stuff off the top of my head here. Well, it's time to go watch some wholesome family entertainment (a.ka. Family Guy) or maybe I'll just go watch the extras provided on the Memoirs DVD. If you haven't seen it yet, get off your keester and do it already! I wanna have someone to gush with. I'm not big on romance novels, but movies are another story. In the meantime, scroll down to enjoy a few of the photo stills from the movie and heckle me for loving a movie too much.

It's the little things

After so many stressful months, I got to thinking about all the things make me smile. In addition to many professional and personal pressures, I learned about the untimely deaths of two loved ones recently. While I was not particularly close to either of them, I am still deeply saddened about the effect their passings have on my extended family. So I wanted to concentrate on something positive this morning in my blog. I am an easy person to please and it's usually the simplest things that do the trick. So I thought I'd list a few of those things or moments that remind me of why I love life so much. While this list is certainly incomplete, it is full of great things in my life. Some are silly, some are sweet, and some are just guilty pleasures.

1. my children dancing
2. my hubby's crass sense of humor
3. watching John and Caprial's Kitchen on PBS as a family
4. going out for chips 'n salsa
5. playing board or card games with Mo and Rosie
6. shopping
7. cruising ebay for good deals
8. flipping through catalogues
9. throwing the frisbee for my dog to jump up and catch
10. my phone chats with Shelley
11. working on my webpage
12. watching movies
13. eating the bloomin' onion at Outback
14. watching the autumn wind blow in the trees
15. rockin out in my car to a great song
16. playing with my Furby
17. my son's amazing artwork
18. my daughter stomping around like a dinosaur
19. hugs
20. aha! moments
21. attending concerts with my hubby
22. flying on planes (a rare treat)
23. reading
24. writing or reading a good poem
25. really good cinematography (i.e. Lord of the Rings, Memoirs of a Geisha)
26. scrapbooking
27. listening to a waterfall
28. pressing the 'send' button on email after finishing a major assignment
29. christmastime
30. fridays after a long workweek
31. hot chocolate early in the morning
32. getting a new dolphin or fairy collectible
33. candles
34. working out
35. visiting old stomping grounds
36. reminiscing with family
37. finding favorite vintage toys
38. playing in the ocean tide
39. going for a horseback ride in the back country
40. a really meaningful song

Live Like You Were Dying Video - Tim McGraw lyrics

Tim McGraw Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure.com

Help! I can't figure out how to get the video to play!

See what clicks

Well, the second week has come and gone for Nicky and I. He was teased the first time he rode the bus, but now that seems to be getting better. He's been learning to sit near the driver and to ignore the rude kids. I've taught him some coping skills such as saying "leave me alone please" or "that's not very nice" or simply not saying anything. I advised him not to let them make him cry or get mad as that is what they want. We've talked about it a lot as he was really nervous to get back on it. The second ride went better, but not great.

Then today I reminded him to sit near the driver. I even whispered to the driver keep an ear open for it and he graciously agreed. Nicky came home and reported having a great day and no problems. I believe him because he tells me in great detail when something goes wrong. He's loving Kindergarten and is doing great. I can't wait until he starts to read his first book. He practice with the first couple of Bob books (leveled reading series for beginners) over the summer, so he's on his way. He's getting excited for his birthday though and I think I'm gonna get him some new books to keep that spark of interest going.

I so wish I could send our 3 year old daughter, Kirsten, to school too. We had her signed up for preschool, but she's still struggling with potty training. She's too stubborn, that one. She is ornery about that and thinks it's cute of her when she poops in her pants. I'm hoping by Christmas that something will click with her. I have worked with children for half of my life and even used to teach parenting skills to teen mothers, but I can't figure out potty training to save my life! I guess it's a bit like the old adage... "Those who can, act. Those who can't, teach."

As for me, I'm still a teacher-in-training. I'm feeling more at ease now that I am getting to know the kids and they are more comfortable with me. My poetry unit is slowly taking shape and I'm excited to teach it. I hope they have fun. There is so much extra work that I have on my plate for grad school, but I truly enjoy coming up with lessons, especially in literacy. I was terrified of teaching 5th grade at first, but I am gaining confidence and am actually becoming fond of this grade. Who knew?! Still have no idea which grade I prefer. I was lucky to see a former kinder that I used to work with last year and he was excited to see me. I can't get away from that age group, they are truly little darlings. The primary kids are just so much fun and enthusiastic. And yet the older kids are capable of real conversations about more adult topics, yet keep their childlike nature intact still. Guess I'll have to just keep at it til something clicks with me.

Not ready to make nice

Well, I thought I was only going to post one blog tonight, but found I needed get something off my chest. My husband and I were watching the Dixie Chicks video for their controversial single "Not Ready to Make Nice," and got to talking about them. He isn't much one for soapbox talk, so I gonna ramble here instead. First and foremost I support the Dixie Chicks 100%. In case you've been living under a rock, I am referring to the incident that occurred back in London. During a 2003 concert, the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks made her infamous comment that was heard 'round the world. She simply said that she "was ashamed the president was from their home state of Texas." This statement was made on eve of our impending war with Iraq. I think the venue in which Natalie Maines chose to air her political views was perhaps a poor choice, but so what?! I thought this was America and the first amendment existed for a good reason.

The president has made regretable remarks and is still forgiven by the right wing masses. We went to war based on the principles of freedom and we seem to be living in hypocrital era of our own. After the Natalie Maines made her feelings known, the backlash began. Suddenly they went from being the most successful female country singers to absolute pariahs in their industry. Radio stations sponsored boycotts of their songs and steamrolled over their CDs. How crazy is that? I'm sorry, but some of these same people that support a war abroad to free the Iraqi citizens are terrorizing their own at home. The Dixie Chicks recieved death threats and hateful fanmail. So they disappeared for three years. They made babies and wrote their music. As they mellowed and grew as artists, the tide of this country has turned a bit in their favor. Many now share the Dixie Chicks views.

I get really worked up about this whole subject. I am a huge fan of them and admire their convictions. They are not apologetic for speaking their minds and won't back down to the industry bullies. That takes courage in my book. I personally support our troops abroad, but wish this war could come to an end. At some point, enough is enough. While I rooted for our invasion of Afghanistan and the dismantling of the Taliban regime, our war in Iraq has seemed more like a sequel to Bush Sr.'s Desert Storm. We are in so deep now there seems to be no end in sight. It's like this generations Vietnam, we are fighting an enemy that we can't see. The original reasons for the invasion were based on hypotheticals and now the president and his cabinet have egg on their face, but can't admit to it. I don't dislike Bush per se, but I don't really respect much of what he does these days either. I used to like his maverick ways and that he didn't like to waste time with bureaucracy, but now he is sort of using it as a shield. The Dixie Chicks didn't kill anyone, they simply spoke from the heart. I know I am rambling on, but I get really passionate about this topic. If you disagree with my views, I completely understand. That's the beauty of living in America, differences make things more interesting. Stepping off my soapbox now...:)

School daze

Okay, both my son and I survived our first week of school. He is becoming a big boy and I am slowly becoming a teacher. While he is doing great and seems to love kindergarten, it is the bus that I am concerned about the most. After seeing him off on the bus for the first time, he looked so terrified and small as it drove away. The bus driver assured me he'd be just fine and he understood my worries. I was such a wreck all day as he went to school. I ended up calling the office a couple hours later to make sure he'd gottent to school okay. Yes, I am a worrywart. Then later in the day I called my childcare lady and she reported that he'd made it home okay. She'd had her daughter meet him at the bus stop.

Well, I felt relieved until we got home and I asked him how he liked riding the bus. He said the kids picked on him and called him names. It had been my biggest fear come true since he was two years old. I've been so afraid of him getting teased someday and now it has become a reality. I had a long talk with him about what to do and while he seemed a little shaken up by the experience, he felt better when he had some idea of how to handle himself. I am gonna check with the bus driver next time and ask him to keep an eye out for it again. Oh this so sucks to feel so helpless in protecting him from the crap out there in the world. I know I can't shelter him forever, but it's hard to know when to step in or let him fight his own battles. Guess I'll have to wait and see how things go.

As for my first week as a student teacher in the fifth grade, I did alright. Not much to do but oberve and gather the data I need for my work sample. I spent some time getting to know the kids and learning the ropes. By Friday, I began gain some confidence and even jumped in to help out during a math lesson. It took awhile to comprehend the lesson as I am a dunce in math. This will definitely be an area I'll need to take a refresher course in at some point. It's wierd because I am pretty strong most other subjects (except science maybe), but math is just over my head. This morning, I feel much better now that I got a lot of work done on my work sample. I've typed 9 pages so far, but still have at least 65 more to go! Tomorrow I have a ton more to write, though I feel things are finally flowing better. I think this week I'll be jumping in more if they let me. Wish me luck...

Kindergarten

Today was Nicky's first day of school. He was definitely one of the tallest kids in his class. He was so excited last night and even this morning. He has been very hyper and quite the little chatterbox. He couldn't wait to go to his new school and meet the kids. I think this past summer has been such a time of growth for him, and I don't just mean in inches. He's matured a lot and has learned to become a lot more independent. For instance, he's been able to buckle himself up in other people's cars for awhile now, but just got the hang of it in our car a couple of weeks ago. The seatbelts in our Aztek are a little tricky I guess. He talks more articulately and really looks out for his sister, unless he wants his space.

I was smart enough to bring a camera to capture the moment at school. I could tell he felt like a big kid finally. When it came time to say goodbye and leave him with his teacher, I felt a little heartsick. He was oblivious that I was going, but I suppose that's a good thing vs. having a meltdown. I think it's pretty hard on Kirsten, his little sister. Nicky is everything to her and she feels a bit lost when he's not around. When it dawned on her that she couldn't stay with him at his school, she got a little upset. She's having trouble understanding why she can't go to school too. I explained that her turn will come. This will be tough on her for awhile, but she'll be fine. I just can't believe my baby boy is now a little man. I'm grappling with those "letting go" issues that face all parents and I know it's only the beginning. To be honest, I was so grateful that I got to be there for his first day. After he was done, he had so much to share about his big day and can't wait to go back. Next big step will be riding the big yellow school bus.

Precious moments

Recently the son of some close friends of mine had to take their son in for surgery. He was getting his clef palette repaired and all went swimmingly. Well, a day later they got to take him home only to return later that night. He was having trouble breathing and so they have to operate on him again. This little boy is so fragile at times, it is truly amazing to think about all this little guy has had to endure over the first year of his life and how adorable he is. So many surgeries and trips to the hospital. If you go to William's Page under my links to the side, you can read his journey.

This caused me to think about how much my own kids mean to me. While I've had my share of loss and misfortunes, I have been fortunate that my son and daughter never had anything as serious as surgery to deal with. The scariest thing I've gone through with my kids was when my daughter was just 4 weeks old. We had traveled over the mountain pass to see my family and introduce them to their lates grandchild. Well, she had trouble adjusting to the altitude change and built up a lot of excess air and gas inside her. This caused her little tummy to hurt and she struggled to eat. It got to the point where she hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours. We took her to the local ER and spent several hours there. She had become dehydrated and so they had to stick an IV in her. This was no easy task as she was so tiny and so it took them forever to complete the procedure. After another couple of hours, she was on the end and began to eat little by little. Needless to say, she mended just fine.

There are few things in this world more heartbreaking than seeing a child in pain. From a scraped knee to a child connected to all kinds of tubes, they're the most bittersweet moments. Your heart breaks for them and then cheers for them as they come out on the other side. It's those moments that make me smile and realize that there is someone up there looking out for us all. I've known at least two other couples that have had to face the nightmare of NICU. One family had a happy ending, while another did not. I guess life is just that way and there is no telling what kind of happiness or sadness awaits us. We cross our fingers and roll the dice. Whatever issues come our way we must make the decision to let it get the best of us, or get through it and feel stronger for it. For all those moments that kids drive us crazy, they are far outweighed by the sweet ones.