One smart cookie

Okay, it's official. Bill Cosby was right. Kids do say the darndest things. Today I was chatting with my son about fall. He told me very matter-of-factly about all of the things that leaves do. According to Nicky, "Leaves change colors, fall off of trees, and are in big piles on the ground for kids to play in." Then he started to tell me about pumpkins and how you can use them all through fall. Next, he wanted to know what holidays came after Halloween. We went through all of them and then again until he realized that they start over again. I explained that we began with the New Year and ended with Christmas. He says, "So when will the world be over?" I told him, "Hopefully never, the world just keeps going around and around." He responds, "Well I'm getting dizzy." Too cute.

What's your poison?

You would think by this title that I would be referring to your drink of choice? That is not the case here. While I realize that most people have a vice of some kind (i.e. drinking, smoking, and so on), I don't have your everyday vices. At least they don't seem everyday to me. If I had to pick one, I suppose I could say I love carbonated beverages, particularly CocaCola. However, I don't think that quite does the trick. No, my vice is a nightly dose of Friends around dinnertime and chased with an episode of Sex in the City just before bedtime. Yes, feel free to call me strange. What do these shows provide that a good stiff shot of Jim Beam can't cure? Well, it is best cure of all...laughter. Phoebe, Monica, Chandler, Joey, Ross, and Rachel keep me in stitches. Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha keep me smiling with a just a hint of drama to keep me calm. Yep, laughter. That is my poison.

Lifting the bell jar

I was reading a synopsis of the novel, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath at Wikipedia and came across an interesting analogy (spoiler alert). The main character battles a debilitating depression that leads to a couple of hospitalizations, a suicide attempt, and even electroshock therapy. Her ongoing battle to get heatlhy is profound and got me thinking about something. When the character finally begins to heal, she experiences a "lifting the metaphorical bell jar in which she's felt trapped and stifled."

I feel like that is a great description for how I've been feeling these past few years. Those close to me know my story and the resulting anxiety I've battled. Well, something has been eating at me lately and it's nothing I can do anything about. My sister-in-law has been treating me like the plague ever since her brother and I had a baby out of wedlock. She feels that we were "stupid" and a bunch of other lovely adjectives of that sort. In the years since, she has opted to ignore our existence because she disapproves of our family. Her brother and I have since married. While we have had a rocky road along the way, we are both determined to see our family make it. She only sees the negative side and has never stopped to notice the good things. We may've started out wrong, but ended up improving our lives in the long run. We now have two wonderful kids, both of us returned to school, got better jobs, and are in our own home.

I keep asking myself, why do I care so much what this woman thinks of me and feel the need to justify things? The truth is that I do care and I wish we could have a good relationship. I feel like she acted as judge, jury, and executioner without ever really bothering to get to know me. She doesn't know anything about me or my family, yet she feels entitled to shun us. This knowledge really caused me to actually lose sleep over it last night. All of the crummy things that have happened over my lifetime flashed before my eyes and made me realize something very important. She has to believe these things. For whatever reason, it makes her feel better about her own life and so I say so be it. I can't honestly say I won't let her attitude get me down every now and then, but I can at least crawl out from under the bell jar to go on with my own life. To me, the sweetest revenge is to go onto live a happy life with my family.

Cute as a ladybug

After spending the morning feeling like crap, I took a dose tylenol and then some advil so that I could make it through lunch out with my father in law. My brain was foggy, but at least I was more alert. We had a good time with the kids' grandpa. After lunch, we went over to Costco to some supplies. While walking around the store, I could feel my meds wearing off. We got out of there and came home. As I helped carry the stuff up to the house, I thought I saw a bunch of bees hovering around our front door. Just as I was about to panic, I realized they weren't bees. Instead, there were dozens of ladybugs flitting about. They were everywhere. We were all mersmerized by them, especially my daughter. She got to hold one in her hand and was so cute about it. Anyhow, I just wanted to share this lovely little experience. They were so pretty as they flew about the porch.

Sickies

There must be something in the air because after chatting with my best friend as she was on the tail end of her sickness, now I've come down with something. My daughter has been acting a bit sniffly and has almost lost her voice, so I've picked up whatever she has had. It feels like an anvil is sitting on my head with piercing earaches. Not fun, but it's that time of year I guess. We have to meet my husband's father for lunch, so I gotta suck it up and make it through the day. My goal was to get a lot of homework and housework done today, but it end up just being can I make it through the day? My brain is foggy now and blogging this is helping perk me up, even if I am rambling a little. Well, wasn't that an exciting blog entry? No? Well, at least I updated...that's a plus. Stay healthy and happy, you don't want what I've got.

Hmmmm...brownies

Okay, this will sound like I'm rationalizing but dang it I needed a boost. I've been working my little tail off and grab snippets of time to relax and do something I enjoy (like right now as I blog). Well, I had been very good the last couple of days with my diet and started losing again (after a weeklong plateau). So I stopped off at Juan Colorado's to get some chips, salsa, and handmade tortillas for dinner. We made burritos with them at home. My hubby's coworker had sent home some homemade brownies for us to enjoy so we did. For dessert we each had a brownie with vanilla ice cream. Now tell me that doesn't sound yummy.

Anyhow, I was really good with the rest of meals and actually hadn't eaten much, so I don't feel too bad. I always just make sure I'm extra good the next day with my food choices just to be safe. As they say, it's not necessarily what you eat but how much and how often you eat. As my diet guru Shelley reminds me, if you deny yourself all the time of what you want to eat, then you will only crave it more and overdo it. With Homer Simpson in mind, I must say..."Mmmmmm brownies."

Snapshots

In my previous post, I mentioned the short film "All Summer in a Day" by Ray Bradbury. My best friend remembered this obscure movie and found it available online. If you go to http://www.youtube.com/ and type in the film title in the 'search' box, it will bring up three parts to the video that you view consecutively. It totals about a half hour in all. Whether you have heard of this movie or not, I urge you to view it. It is quite profound in its message.


Seeing it again got me thinking about the accuracy of our memories. I had snapshots in my mind of certain parts of the film and could remember the basic premise, but I had forgotten some of the finer details. I knew that it had taken place on another planet that rained all the time. For a brief window of time, the sun shines for several minutes. Then the clouds close up again and it begins to rain again for several more years until the sun returns. The kids must stand under sun lamps. This one young girl had a memory of the sun for some reason and told her skeptical classmates about it. A few of them gang up on her and lock her in a room. The sun comes out and everyone forgets about her. They frolic and play in the field of flowers. They experience all the things the little girl had told them about. As the sun begins to fade, the kids realize that the young girl has missed out and go to find her. They all feel really bad.

I could remember the sun lamps, the nonstop rain, the sun coming out, kids running about, and closeups of flowers. These were just slivers of my memories and were quite fragmented. Yet, when I saw the film again my memory of it wasn't too far off. I had gotten the jist of it stuck in my mind. We all do that I think. We take snapshots that offer a glimpse, but not the whole picture. It's fascinating to experience something as an adult to refresh the memory and fill in the gaps. I actually got a little teary-eyed at the end of the film. It's based on a short story you can read at www.intermed.it/bradbury/Allsummer.htm.

It's all about the kids

Well, if grad school were a baseball diamond I would be rounding second and waving hello to the shortstop. I have so much more to do before sliding into home, but at least it's getting closer. I've completed my first year of classes and am halfway through the current semester. My student teaching placement is coming to a close also. I have four more lessons to teach this week and to finish grading. Lots of work to complete between now and next week, but I'm feeling pretty good about stuff so far. My supervisor gave me a glowing review, not something I was expecting. Maybe we are our own worse critic and don't always see what others can see.

What I have loved most about this process hasn't beent he workload or even getting to teach my strengh...poetry. I have loved getting to know the kids. I couldn't have asked for a better class for my first teaching experience. While they have their quirks like any class, overall they are respectful and enthusiastic. They have really grown on me. I really dread having to say goodbye as I don't think it's hit them yet. My cooperating teacher invited me to come to their Harvest party (the politically-correct version of celebrating Halloween). Of course I said yes.

One great thing that I wanted to do for the kids was to track down an obscure video to show them. Don't remember if I already blogged about this, so bear with me. Once they had been acting out a bit too much so my cooperating teacher got angry and had them put all their heads down. She put me in charge and went to go make copies and cool off. Well, I was a little nervous, so I did thought I'd tell them a story to pass the time. Basically, I just shared my memories of a short film I saw as a kid that really left an impression on me. After hearing the story, they wanted to see this film. Well, at the time I didn't have any information on it. With the help of my natural father and our school librarian, we were able to locate it and will be able to borrow it to show the kids on the day of their Harvest party. It's called "All Summer in a Day" by Ray Bradbury. I can't wait to see their reactions to getting to see this. They will be surprised and excited I hope.

Cut to the quick

Okay, I was taking a brain break from all of my grad school and student teaching stuff and started thinking about the fall tv season. There has been a bumper crop of dramas to choose from. I have my returning favorites such as CSI, Cold Case, Without a Trace, Ghost Whisperer, and such. However, I am a lot pickier when it comes to the new kids on the block. Since there were so many to choose from when they all premiered in September, I selected the ones with the interesting plot lines that jumped out at me.

First one I watched was Kidnapped. The first episode was intense and kept me in anticipation as to how they were going to stretch this story over an entire season. Well, by the time the second episode rolled around, I could only sit through part of it. It didn't pack the punch of the premiere and fell a little flat for me. It seems to be that the show would work better if it revolved around Jeremy Sisto, the independent contractor that retrieves the victims by any means necessary. That was a great plot point, but not taken advantage of. The show has gotten the axe already after only 4 episodes! Instead of focusing on a single kidnapping, they could've shown several...think Without a Trace meets The Equalizer. Guess we'll never know since it's gone now.

The second one to grab me was Jericho. I missed the first episode, but loved ones told me that it was pretty good. Can't beat a mushroom cloud to hook people, but could it reel them in? I caught the second one and so on. Well, the jury is still out for me on this one. I will keep watching as there is enough to keep me intrigued. My husband and I have already been formulating conspiracy theories about this one, which I will not share here as I don't want to risk being a spoiler. I do think that there are a few too many characters to keep track of and some side stories that bore me. Skeet Ulrich is fantastic as the former rogue turned hero. Nice to see a great vehicle for him to strut his stuff. We shall see what happens.

The third one is always the charm. Thankfully, I saw the premiere episode of Heroes and am extremely fascinated by this offbeat homage to X-Men. I think this show has just the right balance of feeding us tidbits to nibble on and keeping us in the dark about other stuff. I sense a bit of the Lost formula at work here. Eventually certain plot points will come together and we will have our aha! moments, but I just hope the show doesn't move too slow. I want to see this show make it.

Audiences and network head haunchos have short attention spans and little patience. Look at the much-hyped Smith. That show supposedly had great potential, but the low ratings caused CBS to pull the plug. I actually never saw that one, so I have no comment on its quality. I just know that a show that has any hope of sticking around better have some staying power and a plethora of possible future plotlines. There are other new shows that I've considered trying out, such as 6 Degrees. It may be awhile though as there are only so many hours in the primetime week to watch what you want.

Some nights I don't even bother with tv. I do get cranky with time slot shuffling. Grey's Anatomy is strangely addictive and I would love to get into it. The reruns got my husband into it and he's not a romantic drama kind of guy. Now he's given up CSI. I haven't gone that far yet, but I did miss a great CSI last night in favor of watching Grey's. Why do they have to be at the same time? Not fair. Suppose we'll just have to stay tuned.

A juggling act

Well, today is my first official observation by my university placement supervisor. She is a liaison between my cohort leader, cooperating teacher, and such. Hercritique will carries a lot of weight, so today is extremely important. I didn't sleep too good last night because of nerves. I definitely don't feel as though I've mastered the art of teaching yet, but I've come a long way since the start of the school year. My confidence has increased tenfold. I am not as terrifyed of standing in front of the class anymore as my students make it pretty easy on me.

What makes me nervous is that my supervisor changed dates on me. She was originally scheduled to come tomorrow, but changed at the last minute. She wants to see me teach a lesson and today had been a planned workday for the kids to catch up on all their previous assignments and for me to conduct mini-conferences. Well, I threw together a mini-lesson over the weekend for her benefit and decided that I need to stick to my lessons for the most part because otherwise it all gets thrown out of wack. Hopefully, my mini-lesson will be sufficient. We are reviewing similes and checking final drafts of their poems, so it will be a busy time. Still not sure how I'm gonna fit in all the stuff that needs to be included.

I suppose this is all a part of the process of learning how to teach. It feels like I'm in a circus act. You definitely learn to juggle a lot of balls while walking tightrope without a net below, being careful not to drop any of them. It's interesting to observe the veteran teachers as they go about their business. I realize that someday it will all be old hat and become second nature to me, but until that day comes I am a bundle of raw nerves. And as long as I'm still in school and dealing with all the work and pressures that accompany that, I will probably drop a ball here or there.

For you, Xanadu!

What a trip this movie is. I was equally fascinated and obsessed with Xanadu as a child. We had Showtime and so I got to see it over and over. I watched it so many times that my parents began to forbid me from watching it. I'm not sure what they were afraid would happen. Maybe they thought I would start dreaming about becoming a rollerdisco queen or something. When I see it nowadays, it seems silly and very dated. Think of the once pioneering technology of Tron compared to the CGI wizardry of modern-day films like The Lord of the Rings. And yet there was something strangely magical and addictive about all the neon lights and cheesy musical sequences. This movie captivated me like no other at the time. I loved Olivia Newton-John, so I saw this movie through the rose-colored glasses of a child. As a result, I would go on to love Flashdance, Footloose, and other such dance films. I dare you to watch the final scene and not get sucked into dancing and singing along with the title song!


What's more, I just realized something very interesting. We were watching Xanadu tonight and something struck me about Olivia's character name, Kyra. I have always thought this was a pretty name and couldn't remember where I had first heard it. In college, I knew a girl by that name and can't recall ever meeting anyone else by the same name. Well, when I got pregnant with my daughter, I wanted to name her Kyra. My husband wasn't crazy about it, so it eventually ended up getting extended to Kirsten. I had never considered the origin of my fascination with that name and now having seen Xanadu for the first time in years, it all makes sense to me now. Wierd how we remember things long ago forgotten. I am always on the hunt for obscure movies I saw as a child and Xanadu is a great find for me. Next up, Hawk the Slayer and All Summer in a Day (a Ray Bradbury short film).

Plain and Simple

My heart literally broke this week when I heard about the terrible massacre at the Amish schoolhouse in Pennsylvania. To think that a man could be so cruel to children just baffles me. I read something in one article that quoted one Amish man as saying to the effect of "the victims are better off than their survivors." The Amish spend their lives preparing for life in the heavenly hereafter. They believe the children are now in a better place while their loved ones must grieve for their losses. Having lived in the Eugene/Springfield area when the shooting at Thurston high school by Kip Kinkel took place many years ago, I get very nervous when there are incidences like this. It's not quick recovery and a community like that in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania will feel this tragedy for years to come. Now I'm not particularly religious, but I think we should all pray for them.

I don't quite understand why the man did what he did. His "grudge" had been festering for a long time, but still doesn't make much sense to me. I can see why he chose the Amish schoolhouse as it lacks security and has no phone. It was the perfect setting for him to carry out his evil. And I'm getting on a soapbox here, but I think that is exactly what he was...EVIL. What person attacks children, let alone Amish children? I believe in the old adage, "honor among thieves." To me, I think that even the most criminally-minded don't cross certain lines. It takes a rare person to be wiling to cross it. If the man upstairs has anything to do with it, then I think he has arranged for there to be a nice hot seat waiting for this person downstairs.

Ever since I was a child and saw the movie Witness, I have been fascinated by and felt a strange kinship with the Amish. Now I'm not talking about the Hollywood take them, but a more personal interest. I have read and researched a number of books and articles on the faith and culture of these gentle people. Over the years, I have come to respect and understand a great deal about the Amish. About a year ago, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I have a bit of Pennsylvania Dutch ancestry as well. Additionally, my grandmother informed me that we have a strong Mennonite heritage, which is sort of the sister faith to the Amish.

On some level, this might explain the peculiar connection I have felt with both faiths for so long. Mennonites tend to accept more of the modern-day conveniences that the Amish shun, but still live their lives to serve the Lord. Many envy the peace and harmony of that the Amish cultivate, but they give up a lot to create the insular community that defines them. That's the great thing about them though, they never have to suffer alone. They come together.

Okay, stepping off my soapbox.

The Housework War

Well, I am back in school mode for sure now. It's amazing how quickly I can switch from being a domestic diva to the complete opposite. During the month of August I was off from work and I had all the time in the world to get home projects done. Now I have no time and too much to do. Needless to say, my home is suffering for the glory of scholastic success. I work half days as a student teacher, but it feels like a full time job when you factor in the academic side of things such as coursework, work sample, and action research. It's a bit crazymaking, but I know that this too shall pass and in the end I will be able to call myself a teacher.


I just wish the housework didn't have to pay the price, but there just doesn't seem to be enough time to fit everything into the day. Anyone who has ever washed load after load of laundry and let the clothes pile up, who has the energy or desire to start the folding? Besides a mountain of laundry, piled up paper is my other biggest nemesis. Unfortunately, I have a habit of opening mail and setting it down with the idea of "getting around to it later." As you can probably guess, later takes a long time to come, so the little pile becomes quite the stack.



I've taken to accomplishing one domestic task a day for the time-being. That way I know that at least something is getting done each day and I don't beat myself up about it. I will never earn the award for housekeeper of the year, but I try my best. I also believe in quality time with the family over dust bunnies anyday. Playing with my children or hanging out with my hubby is a lot more fun to me. And if you don't take care of yourself in the midst of the chaos we call life, we might as well just call it a day right now because your emotional and physical health will suffer. I just think that when you simply pick your cleaning battles, eventually you can win the housework war.