To see the lights

Alrighty, you can tell I am on vacation by the sheer volume of blogging I've been doing lately. In the near future, I fear my spare time will be swallowed whole by a little thing called school. With my second student teaching stint on the horizon, I am milking this time off for all I can. I set out this week to complete lots of my homework, only to find myself running around trying to get other things done. I also set out to spend some real quality time with my kids, but also found myself preoccupied with holiday stuff.

In all of my rushing around, I had forgotten to just soak it all in. Last night I tucked my son in and with his big blue eyes beckoning, he asked me if I could stay and talk with him awhile. My first instinct was to say no and get right to wrapping presents. Then my heart kicked in and told my racing mind to back off. So I laid down next to him and we chatted about Santa Claus and many other things. It felt good to stop and spend some time with Nicky.

Today was another tiring day and I realize that this pattern getting tough for me to break. I just don't know how to stop. Well, I do and I don't. When I do slow down, I crave alone time and seek it out a lot. This is the reason why I think I stay up so late at night. It is the only time of day when nobody needs me to do something for them. I realize I am sacrificing my sleep for this down time, but it's my wierd of way putting off tomorrow.

All of this self-analysis sort of put me in my place. So I fell back on the same personal ritual I have every year around the holidays. When the house is all quiet and still, I turn off all of the lights, exept for the ones on the Christmas tree. I just sit and look at it. The pretty colors and silver tinsel really make the tree sparkle in the darkness of the living room. As I admire the tree, I just simply count all of my blessings and contemplate life in general. It may sound silly, but it's kind of my way of meditating and finding some peace. Slowing down like this reminds me to keep my focus on my family and friends, and not solely on external things outside the home. Time to get myself to bed, gotta bake those cookies with my kids tomorrow (well, I guess it's already tomorrow...it's after 1am).